Jaden Smith Has Been Testing You, And You Have Been Found Wanting
Turns out everyone’s favorite test case in alternative child-rearing has actually been conducting an experiment of his own. Jaden Smith recently conducted an interview with GQ wherein he announced that his famously cryptic twitter feed is really just an elaborate study in sociology. Based on his profound misunderstanding of ancient Greek religion, he’s actually been running what he calls a “mystery school“.
Apparently his incomprehensible tweets have actually been designed to confuse you.
Tweets like “The Biggest Flex A Person Will Ever Have Is Dying”, “I Only Apply To The Sixth Amendment”, and my personal favorite, “There Is No Nutrients In Our Food Anymore Or In Our Soil OR IN OUR WATER.”
But it turns out that baffling bit of text is not a dire warning of things to come, but instead a lesson from the Smith School for Gifted Douchebags.
This exercise in esoteric wisdom is actually part of a “scientific test upon humanity” , he and his sister have apparently been conducting for some time now. The basic idea, according to Jaden, is that he will go around saying strange things and then study your reaction. And then…thats it, I guess. The good news—apparently it worked. He thought you would be confused by him saying confusing things and you totally were. You’ve all played right into Jaden Smith’s hands. He’s made a fool of you.
But don’t feel bad, Jaden only has your best interests at heart. He just wants “to teach people how to be comfortable. Stop being so scared.” That’s surprisingly heartwarming in a way. It’s a bit of lucidity that makes it seem like the whole “Jaden Smith is crazy thing” is kind of overblown.
Of course he’s also announced that he’s building a pyramid in his backyard, which is a bat-shit crazy thing to be doing with your free time. I’ve never met someone who was building a pyramid without some plan for world domination. We should keep an eye on this is what I’m saying, I guess. Maybe keep a SEAL team on standby if it gets out of hand.
I don’t think there is any reason to be worried though. Apparently Jaden doesn’t want to rule us from his pyramid like a tiny dread-locked king. He just wants to disappear for ten years. He doesn’t really elaborate on what he’s going to do for that ten years, though I kind of imagine him working on a fishing boat for some reason. Is that weird? I don’t know. I just feel like it’s something I could see him doing.
Either way he’s on a journey now. Don’t try to go with him. It’s something he needs to do himself. Besides you would only slow him down. I for one wish him well. I hope he finds whatever it is he’s looking for. And I hope that one day, when the hour is darkest and we need him most, he will return to bring his teachings back to us. God Speed Jaden.