Life

Failed Relationships Might Be Reflection Of You More Than Of Him

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Divorce - Sad young couple holding billboard sign with break love heart, concept for divorce

Image: aslysun/Shutterstock

Do your relationships always seem to end for inexplicable reasons? Are you constantly lamenting the lack of good men out there? It might not be him, after all. Here are some possible reasons why your relationship isn’t working.

You Choose Poorly

Remember that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade movie when the knight tells the bad guy “you chose poorly” after he picks the incorrect Holy Grail? That might be you.

Do you find yourself attracted to inappropriate men? Maybe they’re decades younger or older than you. Maybe they are unemployed drifters (albeit with irresistible looks and charm). Or maybe they have a completely different value system than you do. (They are at home on Wall Street & you’re still hoping Greenpeace will approve your application so you can help save dolphins.)

If you’re always with the wrong guy, your relationship will always fail. If this describes you, it couldn’t hurt to do some introspection to figure out why you’re self-sabotaging your relationships.

You’re a Control Freak

You know who was a control freak? Joan Crawford. So much so that her own daughter wrote a tell-all book that became the hit movie, “Mommie Dearest.” Now, is that what you want to happen in your life?

Does your boyfriend annoy you when he doesn’t tell you where he is all the time? Do you believe there’s a right way to live life (your way) and a wrong way to do things? Do you find yourself correcting his grammar and giving him a list of what not to say in front of your family or friends? Then you, my dearest, should look in the mirror and see if you’re ready for your close up.

Control freaks tend to act that way out of fear. It’s possible that you think if you don’t take charge everything will fall to pieces. Try letting go of the wheel once in awhile and see where the road takes you. When you do, you’ll stop driving all the good men out of your life.

You’ve Checked Out

Have you stopped focusing on your relationship? Has it been awhile since you asked your partner what they are thinking or doing? Are you too busy building your business or your career to spend even five minutes just listening to your lover or simply gazing into his eyes? If you’ve checked out mentally or emotionally from your relationship, you might wake up one day and find yourself alone.

Sometimes a terrible thing happens in a relationship that has become wonderfully steady and reliable. It can especially happen when you have found your soulmate. You might feel so safe and comfortable in this familiar partnership that you forget that relationships need tending to. Like any living thing, a relationship needs attention and nurturing.

It’s natural to feel pulled in different directions, especially if you’re an independent, powerful woman with passions and causes that go beyond the need for a partner in life. But it’s important to remember why you pursued that relationship in the first place. It’s important to decide what matters most to you so that you don’t lose the one person you can always count on.

You Feel Entitled

Madame Bovary was the literary epitome of self indulgence and self entitlement. She ran her life and her husband’s life into the ground, quite literally, with her feelings of being entitled to much more than she had. Her tragic story is a good lesson for everyone.

Do you have the attitude that your lover should worship the ground you walk on, treat you like a queen and shower you with lavish gifts and affection?

No one is more entitled to anything than anyone else on earth. There’s no reason your boyfriend should worship you just because you’re a woman any more than you should worship him because he’s a man. When you consider yourself higher or better than your lover, the relationship cannot survive. If, however, you each consider the other your equal, there will be the best chances for a harmonious balance in the relationship.

There are, of course, many reasons why a relationship might fail. But if you are seeing a pattern, it’s possible that it’s not him; it’s you. It’s worth thinking about before the right one comes along, so you’re fully ready to be in the best relationship of your life.