Fanboy Report

69 Worst Product Failures Ever

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Urinal Tea

If you need a nice pick-me-up, reach for a steaming hot cup of urinal hot drink. Or, if you’d prefer, you can just scroll through these hilariously awful products, labels, and descriptions. You will laugh out loud. You’ve been warned.

1. Poop log dessert

fecal looking candy

We don’t know what negrito means (okay, we actually do), but we’re pretty sure we aren’t eating it.

2. Rape Leaf

rape leaf in bag

We don’t understand, have these leaves been victimized? Or are they like roofies? Because we don’t condone that stuff.

3. Urinal Tea

Urinal Tea

Every time you told your mother that tea tasted like piss has been justified.

4. Cemen Dip
Cemen Dip

What, did these folks raid a sperm bank or something?

5. Man GooMan goo sticker

The best part is when it squirts all over your face.

6. Faggots in Gravy6 Faggots in Gravy

This product had to have been developed by a Southern Baptist cannibal.

*Side note: We don’t support the use of any derogatory epithets.

7. Finger Marie
Finger Marie Cookies

Okay, but only is she consents to it.

8. Nuclear LicoriceNuclear Licorice

Hey, George W. Bush, are these the weapons of mass destruction you were looking for?

9. FagottiniFagottini Package

This sounds more like a fruity cocktail than a pasta to us. Get it? Get it?

*Side note: We don’t support the use of any  derogatory epithets.

10. Ayds

Ayds Candy

There is an obvious AIDS joke here, but we’ll let you make it instead of us.

11. Pee Cola

Pee Cola

Nope, we will never be thirsty enough to drink pee cola. Ever.

12. Shrimp Flavored Crack
Shrimp Flavored Crack

We’ve never had regular crack, so we can’t say if this flavor is an improvement over the original or not.

13. Soup for Sluts
Soup For Sluts

Someone should send this to our exes. You know, just to let them know we still think about them.

14. Rice with HerpesRice with Herpes

Heh, looks like our exes tried the rice.

15. Musical GunToy gun marked as musical instruments

The NRA’s new campaign targeting children is brilliant… Brilliantly awful.

16. Abusive Pampers
Pampers diapers with unfortunate packaging

We honestly have nothing to say. Lost for words.

17. Toilet Seatstoilet seat packaging

Is she a tiny woman bathing in the world’s largest toilet, or is something wrong here?

18. The Ironic Fortune Cookiefortune cookie with ironic fortune

Someone should let Alanis Morissette know that this is real irony.

19. Welsh Lady Ass Fudge

Welsh Lady Ass Fudge

Rumor has it these taste like crap.

20. Confused Fruit

grapes in strawberry packaging

Damn, GMOs are really starting to affect our food.

21. Virginity SoapVirginity Soap

We all know a few people who could use this.

22. Chocolate Identity CrisisChristmas chocolate bunny

So this is what happens when the Easter candy doesn’t sell. Don’t worry, Jesus doesn’t mind.

23. Tarantula-roachTarantula moonlighting as a cockroach

It’s like two of the worst things rolled into one. A giant spider that never seems to die!

24. Free One Night StandFree One Night Stand

It’s perfect, buying the bed guarantees at least one night of breaking it in. Giggity.

25. CrapCrap in plastic container

Can this be any worse than Welsh lady ass fudge?

26. Camel Balls
Camel Balls

So, a camel’s balls are filled with a sour red liquid instead of a salty white liquid? Who knew?

27. Stir Fried Childrenstir fried children

I hear it tastes like bad parenting.

28. No Juice for You

broth carton with opening on the wrong side

The person had one job.

29. Ass Sandwiches

ass sandwiches

Goes great with cemen dip.

30. Creamy White Finishing Sauce

Creamy White Finishing Sauce

I’ve heard this leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

31. Cock Flavored Soup
Cock flavored soup

Be sure to dunk your ass sandwich in your cock flavored soup after spreading on some cemen dip.

32. The Jew’s Ear Juice

If you say it quickly it sounds like Juicy Juice.

33. Baguete w/ Semen

Baguete with semen

No wonder birth rates are down, we’re too busy eating spunk.

34. Vergina Beer

Vergina Beer

Image: Rhea C.

This beer is pretty awesome… If you can get past the faint scent of tuna.

35. Roasted Monkey Nuts

Roasted Monkey nuts

Don’t worry, these were just left over nuts after people had their pets spayed or neutered.

36. Pet Sweat
Pet Sweat

Fun fact: Dogs don’t sweat, so we really have no idea WTF this is.

37. Megapussi Potato Chips

Megapussi chips

Something must be lost in translation.

38. Only PukeeOnly pukee

So we won’t get the runs as well, just pukee?

39. Golden Gaytime

I’m pretty sure this is what spring break is called in San Francisco.

40. Child Shredded Meat
Child Shredded meat

So, was the meat shredded by children, or is it the meat of children that has been shredded? We are so confused.

41. Goteborgs Rape

Goteborgs Rape

Image: mrtruffle

Let us guess, the can dressed too provocatively. . .

42. Barf

Barf Detergent

Those people sure do look happy to be using barf detergent. Oh, wait, it’s marked as soup as well? Two for one!

43. Frozen BabyFrozen Baby

This is what we imagine nurses at sperm banks call their product.

44. Extra Fresh Sperm
Extra Fresh Sperm

We’re running out of ways to be witty regarding male ejaculate. What is up with all the semen products out there?

45. Homo Sausage

Something tells us this sausage doesn’t get put in many tacos.

See what we did there?

46. Crap Your Hands
Crap Your hands Elmo

At the risk of sounding completely racist, we can totally hear this one out loud.

47. Watermelon Corn

Corn marked watermelon

Image: Imgur

That is the hairiest watermelon we’ve ever seen.

48. Training Ball

Ping pong ball boobs

Image: Imgur

Those are totally not real. He obviously got a boob job.

49. Bestiality Ken and Barbie

See, this is what happens when you allow gays to marry. The world is coming to an end!

50. Petite Diced… Peaches?

Reasons #20537 not to shop at Walmart.

51. Uncircumcised Sausage

We don’t think this sausage is kosher.

52. Dino Coitus

We never saw this on the Discovery Channel.

53. Kitty-dog

Someone failed kindergarten.

54. Show Your Snatch Barbie

Lindsay lohan Barbie

Image: Imgur

This Barbie looks prepared to treat her trick.

55. Phallic Disney Watch

phallic looking plastic packaging for disney toy

Image: Imgur

Apparently there is a giant cock on the cover of The Little Mermaid, so why not package products that look like dildos? Seems to work well for Disney.

56. Corny Onions

Corn in onions bags

Image: Imgur

Something isn’t adding up here.

57. Shitbegone
Toilet paper

This is the most direct branding we’ve ever seen. Brilliant.

58. Give Your Dog a Bone

Product designers must really be thinking about the c*ck all the time. Sheesh.

59. Spunk Mints
Spunk mints

The packaging says you should always swallow.

60. Juicy Bacon

juicy bacon display

It’s vegan, duh.

61. Sweet Sausage

vienna sausages in can for sweet corn

This is a vegetarian’s worst nightmare.

62. Back to School Knives

back to school display with knives

Well, at least these kids won’t be taking guns to school

63. Koala Garden
Panda Garnden

Australian-Asian food maybe?

64. Tennisball

plastic tennis gear labeled for basketball

This explains the one black tennis player.

65. Tastes Like Grandma

Black raspberry jam that tastes like grandma

So this black raspberry jelly tastes like cigarette ash and watered down white zinfandel?

66. Long Yellow Things

Thank you for the great description. You really helped the colorblind people out.

67. Asica or Afraisa
T-shirt with Asia as text and africa as image

Our schools have failed us.

68. Cream Collon

Cream Collon

Image: Slick Vic

This one is only really bad if you say it phonetically or don’t know how to spell colon.

69. It’s a Boy!

It's a boy princess sign

Image: Funky Junk

*insert sarcasm* It’s all a part of the gay agenda! They’re recruiting, we’re sure of it.

We’re out.