Life

3 Subjects They Should Really Teach In School

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3 classes they really should be teaching in school these days

Image: Guillermo del Olmo/Shutterstock

It seems as if they’re pumping kids out of schools nowadays like half-baked bread from an assembly line. On the inside, they’re just not done. Oh sure, they think they’re clever. They have all the presidents memorized and can describe to you in detail what a frog’s innards look like. But ask them to calculate the per ounce price on a bag of cat food, and they’ll look at you like Einstein just got caught counting on his fingers. Wouldn’t it be awesome if schools gave kids some practical education? I’m not talking about butting into parents’ domain. In my opinion, sex education should be a topic for a family discussion. I’m talking about real life, everyday stuff that people need to know to live in the world. Here are some courses that should be offered in every school.

Why We Buy Insurance

Stop. I can practically hear you yawning right now. But the concept of insurance is something that most kids know zippo about. When I hear my teenage driver say that car insurance is a scam, I remind him about the time his older brother wrapped his car around a light pole while doing donuts in the parking lot last winter. It was comprehensive insurance that saved his rear end, and allowed him to get another ride, which allowed him to continue driving to his college classes.

Why can’t schools have a home finances course, where the topics of home and auto insurance, health and life insurance are covered? Heck, they could even teach about the benefits of travel insurance, which would help protect those kids who graduate high school and go backpacking in Europe for a year to “find themselves.”

How to Converse

That’s right. Kids don’t even know how to talk. That’s why they also can’t write. The talking comes first in development, right? If kids could learn how to carry on a proper conversation, the whole writing thing might fix itself. Case in point:

Example 1:

Family arrives in car to pick kid up from school.

Kid falls into car and slams the door, yabbering loudly, already in the middle of a sentence.

All current conversation in the car is halted.

Kid dominates conversation, which is all about him.

Mom and dad stop talking to each other.

Mom and dad get divorced.

Example 2:

Mom: “Hi, honey. How was school?”

Kid: “Yeah.”

Mom: “Do you want a snack?”

Kid: “Yeah.”

Mom: “Do you have much homework?”

Kid (chewing): “Hmprugh.”

Mom: “I had a nice day. Your long lost father came back home to us. I guess he found some buried treasure off the coast of Australia, so…(gets interrupted)

Kid: “Any more chips?”

Mom: “…Er, here you go. Yeah, so anyway, we’re all going to be moving into a mansion in Beverly Hills with him next week.”

Kid: “Did you do something weird to your face?”

Mom: “What? Oh, that’s lipstick.”

Kid: “You look like a clown.”

So there we have it. Either kids are dominating the conversation with their own talk, not listening, talking with their mouth full, or interrupting the little adult conversation that does go on. The basics of conversation definitely should be in the curriculum.

How to Get a Job/Work Ethics

This would be a great course for kids. If you own a business that hires teenagers, you’ll agree this is much needed. Most kids don’t know anything about how to get a job or how to do a great job at a job. Here’s a typical scenario:

Mom: “You’re starting your job hunt today, right?”

Kid (from underneath the bed covers): “Hmrgth.”

Kid gets up.

Goes online.

Checks out Reddit.

Checks out Facebook.

Checks out Craigslist.

Kid: “Mom, do I have a resume?”

Mom: “Yes, dear. I’ll print one out for you.”

Mom neatly folds resume and places it in an envelope.

Kid picks out wrinkled, smelly clothes from floor of closet and puts some on.

Kid stuffs resume in back pocket, tosses envelope on floor.

Kid comes back home and announces he starts new job tomorrow. (Boss hired him because he is desperate and all the kids are the same nowadays. Plus, someone has to deliver those pizzas.)

Kid somehow bamboozles his way up the corporate ladder, never learning why it’s important to have a good work ethic.

Kid grows up and starts a new company called Monsanto.

Obviously, you can see that the story ends badly. Please, if any educators are out there reading this, get these three courses into your curriculum now. The future of civilization may depend on it!