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What a guy thinks: Why do guys cheat?

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why guys cheat

Why do guys cheat? It’s a question that people have been asking since the concept of monogamy was invented. A lot of the reason it’s such a common question is that if someone cheats on you it just doesn’t make sense, right? Why would someone cheat on you when you gave them everything and treated them well? It’s tough to come up with a good explanation for that kind of behavior.

So it’s understandable that a lot of women would be asking “why do guys cheat?” But while every situation is different, there are a few general reasons we can talk about that explain why guys cheat.

Why do guys cheat?

When you’re asking why do guys cheat, a lot of the time, the answer is going to fall into one of these categories. And usually, it’s either an emotional issue the guy is having with the relationship or an emotional issue they have with themselves. Now, you’re probably thinking “emotions have nothing to do with it, men just want to have sex with as many girls as they can.”

Congratulations, that shrewd observation of biology generally goes a long way to explaining 90% of a man’s behavior. But in this particular case, I really think it’s a bit more complicated. So let’s look at the biological answer to the question of “why do guys cheat?”

Biology

The crux of the argument here is that evolution has programmed men to spread their genes far and wide like a much grosser version of Johnny Appleseed. And that’s true, whether we recognize it or not, biology drives a lot of the urge to cheat.

But then men have also been programmed by evolution to want to kill each other, and relatively few of us still do that.  So social expectations can override a lot of our biology, and that’s also true with cheating. Most men are faithful, so if cheating is hardwired in men than most of us seem to be able to ignore that impulse.

While biology is definitely part of it, there seems to be a bit more to it as well.

So why do guys cheat? What’s going on there?

Poor impulse control

This is a basic answer to the question “why do guys cheat.” Basically, when you take that urge men have to sleep with women and combine it with an opportunity, some guys won’t be able to resist.

This is because they like alcoholics, they lack the ability to fully control their actions. This obviously doesn’t excuse the cheating, but if you want an answer as to why guys cheat, it’s because they had the chance to and didn’t care enough about how it would affect you to stop themselves.

It really is that simple when you get down to it. A guy cheats because he has the chance to do so and doesn’t value your relationship enough to not do it. But why does that happen? Well, that’s a good segue into the next point…

They’re Lack Empathy For Others

Not every guy who isn’t invested in a relationship is going to cheat on their partner if they get the chance. There is definitely a kind of guy that cheats more than others.

People are complicated. And some guys just lack the ability to really care about someone else’s feelings more than their own. This is the kind of guy who cheats: someone who doesn’t have empathy.

The person cheating can’t put their partner’s feelings over the pleasure of a quick fling because on some level they aren’t capable of really seeing their partner as a real human being with their own feelings separate from their own. And as much as it might hurt if your boyfriend is this kind of guy, it’s not your fault if they stray. And obviously, you don’t want to date this kind of guy. Once it’s over you’ll start to notice all the warning signs that were there and be glad it’s over.

 They want to end the relationship

But other times there is something wrong with the relationship that drives guys to cheat. This is generally true of really long-term, committed relationships because those basic problems can build over time. And the longer a relationship lasts, the harder it is for a guy to end it.

Sometimes guys cheat because they want to end a relationship. That’s right, they are actually looking for a way out, and since nothing kills a relationship like cheating, it’s a pretty effective plug to pull.

But most of the time this is subconscious. A guy is unhappy in a long-term relationship and that unhappiness makes him more likely to act on opportunities he gets to cheat because he thinks that a new person will make him happier.

That’s why communication is so important in a relationship. It’s important to know if your partner is looking for the door in a relationship and either find a way to fix it or a way to move on and remain friends.

So ultimately, the reason men cheat is that some guys are just cheaters, and even the ones who aren’t can look to an illicit affair as an answer to being unhappy in a relationship. Just remember to keep your relationship honest and open so that you know what’s going on.

And if you have any other questions that you want answered about why guys do what we do, let us know in the comments.

Wyatt is a writer and your friend. You can follow him on Twitter @WyattRedd.