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Why I’m taking a break from dating as a millennial

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Image: MAD_Production/Shutterstock

Public announcement: I think I am finally ready to take a break from dating.

Sorry, fellas. Too many of you have annoyed me this month and I think it’s safe to say that I need a break from all the testosterone and unsolicited snapchats.

You see, millennials tend to get a lot of crap. “They’re glued to their phones”, “They feel entitled to good work”, or my personal favorite, “They spend too much money on coffee” are all stereotypes that plague our generation. Some more blood-boiling accusations have of course been spewed out by balding middle aged men writing for some more well known publications, but that’s beside the point.

I, being a millennial, try to take these criticisms with a grain of salt, simply because picking on the younger generation is a tale as old as time. But there’s one stereotype out there that rings way too true: “Millennials don’t know how to date.”

Hear me out. I understand that not all of us are utterly clueless to the art of dating. I like to think that some of us have good intentions with pretty decent follow-through, creating wonderfully satisfying and healthy relationships all across the world. I know there are plenty of millennials who are able to sustain relationships, going to movies and dancing. Laughing and flirting and picking on each other. Disliking their significant other’s mother and continuing to like each other despite their socks all over the floor or eternally messy car.

But what about the rest of us? The ones trying to date the millennial drop-out, the guy who thinks asking us out via Snapchat is totally cool (and refusing to leave us alone after giving a hard no). We, the millennial women trying to date and find someone worth spending a significant amount of time with, are sick of the egocentric Lyft driver asking us out (in his CAR) after explaining that he has “to finish this ride so I can afford to buy you a drink tonight.”

Oh man, the sex appeal.

via GIPHY

We’re sick of the “coy” Instagram likes and the failed Tinder dates. We’re over the short attention spans and the commitment-phobic guys getting three dates in and deciding to DM the next hot number he just recently stumbled across on Instagram. And, quite frankly, we’re sick of the surface level attraction that most millennial men seem to indulge in among their millennial women counterparts.

The single millennial woman is struggling to find a man in a respectable dating age-range that isn’t, well, disappointing. Seriously, like, where are you guys? You’re not the ones asking us out at Starbucks. You’re definitely not the guy trying to pick us up with our friends in the bar last weekend. You’re not in our office or even our local grocery store so we’re just assuming all of the respectable millennial men have been raptured and taken to millennial-relationship heaven.

There are a few options for the millennial who isn’t like me and giving up hope for the time being, all of which, shockingly, involve technology. There’s the beloved Tinder app, which I’ve been told makes dating like a “fun” game and gives you the freedom to date casually until finding someone you want to make sure only dates you. It’s even possible to use Tinder without Facebook, so you don’t have to feel vulnerable or too trackable if the date didn’t go as you had hoped.

There’s also the whole Bumble dating app, which advertises itself by being able to “weed out the jerks online.” Nice. 

Or, you can be like me and just say no to dating altogether right now. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in the game eventually. But right now I’m sick of the constant disappointment and would much rather fall asleep with my cat every night.

So, as Kim Basinger would say, I just want to thank everybody I’ve ever met in my entire life for helping me get to this major milestone in my life. I’ll be accepting gifts and congratulations with open arms.

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Ellen contributed to this piece.